My Story – The Lonely Fertility Journey

“This isn’t going to be an easy, straight forward process."

I’ll never forget these words given by the gynaecologist back in 2000. I always knew that falling pregnant naturally wasn’t going to be easy, but I had never imagined how difficult it was actually going to be.

In addition to having PCOS, I also had twisted tubes, both ovaries on the same side, and a uterus which was abnormal in shape and covered with scar tissues.

After a year of trying to fall pregnant naturally, aided by a few operations along the way to ‘blast’ the cysts on my ovaries, my husband and I were told our best chance of conceiving, was to go down the IVF route.

Hearing this news came as quite a shock and stirred up a lot of emotions. I knew we were going to need some help, but never thought for one moment we were going to need to go straight down the IVF route. I told a few family members and my closest friends, but didn’t tell anyone else – it was none of their business! We were recommended to a specific clinic and before we knew it, we had started the IVF process.

Feeling very lonely throughout the process

It was an incredibly emotional and stressful time, and it wasn’t helped by my friends, and sister all falling pregnant naturally at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, I was genuinely pleased for them, but this feeling was naturally ‘coupled’ with a tinge of jealousy too! I also remember feeling very lonely throughout the process and although I was surrounded by support from my close friends and family, I knew they couldn’t even begin to understand what I was going through. How could they?

We were incredibly lucky, as our first round was successful, which meant that our first child would be due just a few weeks after my sister’s baby. Unfortunately, at the 12-week scan, we found that I had miscarried, and we were back to square one. I can’t even begin to describe the emotions this caused.

Failed attempts and success

We then had a few failed frozen attempts, followed by another fresh round at the same clinic but without success. We decided at this point to change clinic and continued our long journey that didn’t seem to have an end. During the process I did anything and everything I possibly could do to help prepare my body, including following diet advice, taking a variety of vitamins, acupuncture, and reflexology. Finally, in 2002, I fell pregnant from a fresh IVF cycle and in June 2003, gave birth to our beautiful daughter. We had finally won the IVF lottery!

A couple of years later, we decided to try again for another baby. We had three more fresh cycles and two frozen cycles, but all without success. At this point, we agreed to stop trying, as it was a huge mental and physical strain on my body and emotional well-being. We had our daughter, and we were grateful for that!

One more time

However, a year later I decided I wanted to try just one more time as I strongly felt it was going to be successful. My husband wasn’t so convinced we should go through another round of treatment, as he was concerned about the impact of all the drugs on my physical health.  I promised him that this would definitely be the final attempt. I was far more relaxed this time and didn’t put myself under so much pressure. I was more in-tune with my mind and body, and I had a much more positive approach towards the whole process. Thank goodness I followed my instinct as it was successful, and nine months later I gave birth to a healthy boy.

My fertility journey was not easy, in fact it was a living nightmare for me.  If only I had had access to better emotional support, it would have been a completely different experience!



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